Now I'm back at the beginning with a new man. A man that is amazing so far and genuinely cares for me. He loves me.
I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life with him. He makes me happy and everyday I'm falling more and more for him.
Everything changes, God changes things for you...for the better.
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I did this after the old one text me last Wednesday night. I was out with my friends having our thanksgiving dinner, when somehow we ended up texting eachother. I called him and he told me he loved me, missed me and was miserable knowing that he would be spending thanksgiving without me...he said that our relationship was about the little things. He told me he wanted to talk to me and see me.
I started crying and told him off. Told him that this was his doing...somehow between the crying. I decided to pick him up from a party he was at. I was in the backseat, while my 2 friends were upfront driving. I saw him waiting outside. 3 months without seeing him, my heart was beating uncontrollably. He got in the back seat and locked eyes with me. He looked miserable, ready to just hug me. Instead he grabbed my hand and held it tight without saying a word. It just fir, just like it did for 3 years.
We got dropped off at my house and I told him I needed to use the restroom. He walked into my room and sat in my bed. Tears were falling down his cheeks. I began to cry and I asked "why?? Why are you here?" He said "because I love you, miss you, I think of you every fucking day, I dream about you every night!". I went off on him...told him that he killed me. He killed me when I found him with her. He got up, grabbed my face and kissed my tears, he then held me tight and whispered "I love you". I pushed off and continued to scream at him.
After an hour I was exhausted. I told him he could just stay here. He began talking about our relationship. Going through memories. In my head I thought "why is he doing this?". I still have some of his clothes so I gave him his laker jersey to wear to bed, and gave him the "monos" pjs, my pjs he would always wear when he would spend the night. We laid in bed and he started kissing me and soon after were making love. A three hour session of I love you's and miss you's.
Like clockwork. As if we were never separated.
The next morning. I woke up and told him he had to leave. I drove him to his friend's house to pick up his car. We talked and he said he wanted to see mee again. I said NO. That I couldn't do this to myself, that unless he was willing to fight for us, that this would be the last time we would see eachother. We kissed goodbye and whispered I love you one last time. It was thanksgiving morning novemeber 27th our anniversary. Painful.
He text me later that night saying he wanted to see him because he loved me. I replied with "actions speak louder than words". I wanted him there at my dinner, I was in pain.
Friday night I saw the new one and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. To finish all ties with my ex, the one I still love but broke my heart.
My ex. A liar. He deserves an award for his fucking perfomrance. Sitting there with tears, and lies. All lies. He is still with that bitch. Serenading "I love yous" to her as well.
What is she thinking? Doesn't she know...If he cheated with you, chances are he'll probably cheat on you.
But I never want to be the other woman for him. Because for 3 years I was his life, his love and we will keep it that way. I will never lose my dignity for him. No matter his bullshit
My new one is amazing. He makes me forget that I hurt. It will be OK.
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What way to get his attention without walking to him? Buy him a drink, my gut whispered.
I did.
He walked my way to say thanks and ever since we have hung out regulary. He is great so far! He makes me smile. I deserve to smile.
One minor note, he has his same name. Same name, different man. Normal,better man so far.
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Fuck it all.
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